Maurauders Message's
by Micro-Chick
Summary: Passing notes in class can get veeeeery interesting. . .
1. Divination

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. . . yet. . .  
  
  
  
  
  
J-James  
  
S-Sirius  
  
P-Peter  
  
R-Remus  
  
L-Lily  
  
  
  
Divination  
  
S-Hey James, u dead yet?  
  
J- yep I'm down here bleeding to death, oh wait, now I'm dead  
  
S-Oh no! Better consult the Tea-leaves!  
  
J-What do u see????  
  
S- . . . Tea-leaves!  
  
R-Don't worry James, I've been killed nine times.  
  
L-Hi guys, what u talking about?  
  
S-Erm Lily this is a MAURAUDERS meeting. Get off the paper.  
  
L-Make me!  
  
J-Hey leave her alone!  
  
R-Shut up and carry on dying Prongs.  
  
J- Dying's SO last lesson.  
  
S-I'm planning on taking up murdering this lesson.  
  
R-You a murder? Pah!  
  
S-Oh great tea-leaves! What do you see?  
  
::Stares into tea-cup::  
  
J- Tea? Aren't you supposed to drink it first?  
  
S-Nah chucked mine over Snape's head.  
  
R-What use is that? U can't read his scalp.  
  
S-Yeah u can.  
  
J-Go on then, what'd u see?  
  
S-Grease!  
  
::James rolls his eyes::  
  
R-Hey Peter, mine say ure gonna be a death eater!  
  
J-That just proves there a load of phooey.  
  
S-Maybe we should take up Palmistry  
  
J-Yeah . . .  
  
S-'Ball gazing?  
  
L-I could get interested in that.  
  
S-Lily what did I tell u?  
  
L-A load of things, but I wasn't really listening.  
  
::Silence::  
  
L-So what were you saying about ball gazing?  
  
R-Go ask James  
  
S-What? James gazes at his own balls?  
  
R-Dunno go ask Lily  
  
J-Hey I resent that!  
  
S-He's alive! It's a miracle!  
  
R-Not for long, he's playing Quidditch later, he Always dies after that.  
  
J-Who brought this conversation up about dying? Mainly MY death?  
  
::Everyone looks v. guilty::  
  
J- So you should be looking guilty, you are all in serious trouble.  
  
R- We're all so sorry, it'll never happen again.  
  
::Long silence where everyone actually pays attention::  
  
S-So James, you dead yet? 


	2. Herbology

KT-Beth: I'll take your advice and not listen to Flamers,  
  
Cough, KAOS, cough.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter but I can wish!  
  
Herbology  
  
S - How come all these plants are meant to be able to kill you like this, and bite your limbs off, and she doesn't even have a scratch?  
  
::Professor Sprout (A/N: Yes I know she must be very old but hey she's got grey hair in the game.) is bitten and runs out screaming::  
  
J - . . .  
  
R - . . .  
  
P - . . .  
  
S - I'm surprised the tealeaves didn't predict this.  
  
R - So, um, what do we do now?  
  
J - Let's wreak havoc!  
  
P - Yeah! Lets tip soil all over the floor!  
  
J - Ure not very good at this are u?  
  
P - No.. .  
  
S - Don't be tight to Peter, it's not his fault he's thick.  
  
J - If I remember correctly your last report said, "Last year Sirius' effort and grades hit rock-bottom, this year he started digging."  
  
S - Yeah but that was from potions. [A/N: Ah some things never change.]  
  
J - Same diff.  
  
R - Do u remember in our first year when Hagrid planted that Whomping Willow?  
  
::Sirius puts his hand on his eye::  
  
S - How could I forget?  
  
::FLASHBACK::  
  
"This is a whomping willow?" Sirius gently prodded the side of the new tree.  
  
"That's what Hagrid said." Replied James looking slightly miffed himself.  
  
Sirius turned around and stood with his back to the tree. "This is pathetic! We sneaked out here and risked being caught by Filch-"  
  
Whomp!  
  
". . ."  
  
". . ."  
  
". . ."  
  
"Ow."  
  
::FLASHFORWARD::  
  
L - Lol, you spent four months in the hospital ward.  
  
S - You! Get off my planet!  
  
L - Make me!  
  
S - All right then I will!  
  
J - Sirius be nice!  
  
S - I'll try being nicer if she tries being smarter!  
  
::Lily starts looking reeeeally angry::  
  
J - Never knock on deaths door.  
  
S - Ring the doorbell and run!  
  
::Lily starts chasing Sirius around the greenhouse::  
  
R - Your girlfriend's lethal.  
  
J - You got a problem with that?  
  
R - no. . .  
  
. . .  
  
R - So uh. . .  
  
J - Do you think Professor Sprout's coming back?  
  
R - Probably not.  
  
S - Hi. Guys. Pant. I think. Pant. I lost her. Pant.  
  
J - Oh I wouldn't count on that. . .  
  
S - I come in peace?  
  
L - I'd prefer pieces, but that'll have to do for now.  
  
S - So what's everyone doing tonight? Who's up for a game of Poker?  
  
R - Yeah right, you're the biggest cheat I've ever known.  
  
S - Am not.  
  
R - Are too  
  
S - What about you James?  
  
J - Me and Lily are going somewhere private.  
  
S - Ooh can I come?  
  
J - No!  
  
S - Moody, how about you Peter?  
  
P - Homework.  
  
S - Remus won't play poker with me, Peter's doing homework, and James is busy staring at some girl, sorry, Lily. What am I supposed to do with myself for the rest of the night?  
  
J - You could take a bath. They can probably smell you down in the dungeons.  
  
S - Careful, Prongs. I know where you sleep.  
  
J - Yes, but I know who hid those spiders in Peter's bedsheets last week.  
  
S - Ah touché  
  
::James walks off and Sirius turns to Lily::  
  
S - You think you're so perfect!  
  
:: Lily nods in agreement::  
  
L - I've never made a mistake in my life, I thought I did once but I was wrong.  
  
::Long pause and the two young people continue running around the green house:: [A/N oh to be young again]  
  
:: Lily turns to look at Sirius, who skids and falls flat on his face, they both walk back to their table and sit down::  
  
L - Why do you hate me so much?  
  
::Sirius goes red and quickly changes the subject::  
  
S - BUTTERFLIES! If you throw it!  
  
::Lily heaves a heavy sigh, Men!::  
  
L - Stop changing the subject. Why do you hate me?  
  
S - Who said I hated you?  
  
L - I put two and two together. Is it because I spend so much time with James?  
  
S - No. It's BECOZ of James.  
  
::Lily very confused::  
  
L - . . . ? . . . ? . . . ?  
  
::Sirius sighs, Women!::  
  
S - You see I like u. A lot.  
  
::Lily more confused than ever::  
  
L - ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?  
  
S - . . .  
  
L - . . .  
  
S - . . .  
  
L - . . .  
  
S - . . .  
  
L - . . .  
  
S - . . .  
  
::James walks over and sits down next to Lily::  
  
J - Hi guys, sorry had to go talk to Rose about Quidditch, what'cha been talking about?  
  
::Sirius pales considerably and places his arms over the parchment::  
  
S - Nothing  
  
J - Erm Sirius what are you doing?  
  
S - Mind your own beeswax.  
  
::James skillfully pulls out the parchment::  
  
. . .  
  
J - SIRIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	3. History of Magic

Disclaimer: J.K Rowling own the Potterverse, I'm just re-decorating one of the rooms.  
  
  
  
If any of you have ever read the reviews, Lottie.com did help write this and will kill me if I don't mention her. No one has been reviewing her story recently so it u can please read Malfoys Murder and review it to make her happy.  
  
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The rest of you will prob be in next chappie! Ok on with da story.  
  
  
  
  
  
History Of Magic  
  
J - Please tell Sirius to pass the ink.  
  
S - Please tell James that I don't care.  
  
J - Please tell Sirius that I will hit him over the head if he doesn't give me the ink.  
  
S - Please tell James to bring it on.  
  
J - Please tell Sirius that I don't want to touch him incase I catch a disease.  
  
S - Please tell James that he's just scared.  
  
J - Please tell Sirius that I'm not the only chicken here.  
  
S - Please tell James that we're not talking about Snape.  
  
J - Please tell Sirius to get a life.  
  
S - Please tell James . . .  
  
L - For gods sake! It's not like your not reading each other's replies, you're practically talking!  
  
S - He started it.  
  
J - No I didn't.  
  
S - Yes you did, look, please tell Sirius to pass the ink.  
  
J - What of it?  
  
S - Please tell James that it's my ink anyway.  
  
:: Remus, Lily and Peter all roll eyes::  
  
R - Please tell Peter that I bet him 3 Galleons that Sirius wins.  
  
P - Please tell Remus to sod off.  
  
R - Er, why are they not talking anyway?  
  
P - Beats me.  
  
L - It's because of me.  
  
P - It was only a matter of time.  
  
L - You mean you knew?  
  
R - What that you would drive them both insane one day? Yeah we knew.  
  
. . .  
  
L - And into a more interesting conversation . . .  
  
R - Being a werewolf really isn't that bad, I suppose. I mean, you get a free Halloween costume every year -  
  
P - And plenty of screaming girls!  
  
R - And an excuse to miss tests. Not to mention that you get to be the butt of all your friends' jokes.  
  
::Sirius and James give innocent looks::  
  
R - Well, having sharp, pointy teeth once a month can also help to counteract those nasty problems with whiny little brats.  
  
::Peter starts whistling::  
  
R - I meant Snape, you half-wit.  
  
P - Same difference.  
  
R - Seeing as you've decided to enter our, ahem, wonderful discussion, why aren't you talking?  
  
J - I'm not talking to him because we promised to tell each other everything, and that half-wit decided to fancy MY GIRLFRIEND!  
  
S - Hello? Who cares if I fancy his girlfriend, lots of people do, it's not like it's the end of the world.  
  
::Lily groans::  
  
L - We're getting no where.  
  
R - Back to me being a werewolf, what I meant was . . .well, I always thought it'd be the most awful thing in the world, being a werewolf and all. But Sirius quickly made me forget that.  
  
J - Among other things, like rules.  
  
R - Right. Sirius has this . . . well . . . way with dealing with things. He seemed to think it the funniest thing in the world, for me to sprout hair and teeth and paws every month.  
  
::James sniggers::  
  
R - Its not funny!  
  
S & J - Yes it is.  
  
R - And would you like turning into a Wolf every full moon?  
  
S - Dunno, it'd be a change from a dog.  
  
J - Try being a stag and having bloody horns!  
  
L - They're talking!!!!!  
  
S & J - No we're not.  
  
::Lily groans. Again . . . ::  
  
R - If it makes you feel any better I fancy Lily too.  
  
L - Do you?  
  
R - Yeah I guess  
  
P - Me too  
  
J - Yeah well hands claws and paws off, she's mine.  
  
S - Shut up you know she fancies me.  
  
J - SURE! She's gonna be in love with a stringy, ugly guy with untidy hair when she can have me.  
  
S - Yeah actually you skinny little midget.  
  
J - She's mine dog breath  
  
R - Hey what about me.  
  
S&J - What about you.  
  
R - I like her too!  
  
S&J - I should care because.  
  
R - She's way more likely to have me!  
  
S - In your dreams fur face.  
  
L - Guys, guys, shouldn't I get to pick who I like most.  
  
All - No!  
  
L - Sorry just a thought, carry on.  
  
R - I'm popular.  
  
J - Only because you turn into a monster once a month.  
  
P - What about me, she's obviously dying to go out with me.  
  
J - I agree, I can see why she'd want to go out with a fat rat.  
  
S - Don't be snide to Peter, that's my job.  
  
J - Says who.  
  
S - Me  
  
L - QUIT IT!!! To be honest, I do fancy someone in our year.  
  
All - Who?  
  
L - Not telling,  
  
::A bit later on::  
  
S - It's bound to be me.  
  
J - No, it'll be me.  
  
P - It's me, totally.  
  
R - It's more likely to be me, but it might not be either of us.  
  
J&P&S - What do you mean?  
  
R- It could be anyone.  
  
S - I have an idea. Lets flirt with her really bad and see which one of us she likes best.  
  
J - That's a dumb idea.  
  
R - And it'll hurt Lily.  
  
S - So, she'll never know.  
  
P - I'm so gonna win.  
  
S - Yeah as a last resort, when all else fails try the fat angel look!  
  
J - This is stupid, she's going out with me, and it'll really hurt her, come on her three best friends and boyfriend fighting over her.  
  
::Guys all quieten down and look around ashamed::  
  
J - . . .  
  
P - . . .  
  
R - . . .  
  
S - So who's going first? 


	4. Muggle Studies

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Muggle Studies  
  
R - Hey Sirius what's up? You look scared.  
  
S - Of course I'm scared I have every right to be scared, don't ask questions your scaring me, where's James? I'm scared.  
  
R - . . . Go on.  
  
S - It's about Lily.  
  
R - You do know me and Peter were kidding about the whole "Lily's fit" thing.  
  
::Sirius starts looking reeally angry::  
  
S - What.  
  
R - Er hi James!  
  
S - Eeep  
  
J - Hi.  
  
R - What's the matter?  
  
::Sirius makes frantic gestures behind James telling him to shut up::  
  
J - Me and Lily split up.  
  
R - Why?  
  
J - Why do you think? She's suddenly decided to become a death eater and has ran off with Snape.  
  
R - Really?  
  
J - Yeah the weddings next year.  
  
P - Uh guys, what's a Compooter?  
  
J - Hello? Major crises here! Lily and me no more!  
  
P - You do know that Remus and I were kidding about fancying Lily? We got caught up in the moment.  
  
J - I'll give you caught up in the moment!!!!!  
  
::James starts strangling Peter::  
  
J - I'll kill you, I'll kill you!!!!  
  
R - You know Peter I think you shouldn't have said that.  
  
S - Gee you think?  
  
R - Yeah.  
  
S - Hey just between us, it was my fault, I came up with the contest which broke them up.  
  
J - On second thoughts . . .  
  
::Starts strangling Sirius::  
  
J - I'll kill you!!!!!!!  
  
::The professor splits them up just as Sirius punches James and they are sent up to Dumbledoore::  
  
R - I think we should talk to Lily.  
  
P - Yeah, let's try and enchant this so Lily can write on in from the other side of the school.  
  
R - It's worth a try.  
  
::They mutter something under their breaths::  
  
R - Lily are you there? This is Remus and Peter I repeat Lily are you there?  
  
?? - Who is this and what are you doing in my copy of Witch Weekly?  
  
R - Oh crap.  
  
::Both point wands as sheet which glows pink for a second::  
  
R - Lily?  
  
L - James?  
  
P - Peter  
  
L - Remus?  
  
R - Finally  
  
L - What the hell are you doing on my Ancient Runes work?  
  
R - Singing the national anthem, what the hell does it look like?  
  
? - What's this? Writing notes? How pathetic, must have something to do with James Potter.  
  
P - Snape is that you?  
  
? - WHAT! No this is the wonderful Gilderoy Lockhart  
  
R - Hey isn't he the guy that didn't make the Quidditch team?  
  
P - You mean the guy James wouldn't let get on the Quidditch team?  
  
R - Yeah, that's the one!  
  
TWGL, (the wonderful Gilderoy Lockhart) - The one and only Gilderoy Lockhart, the most fancied boy in this school, highest marks ever for two years running, impeccable standards, teachers love me-  
  
R - He's starting to sound like Tom Riddle.  
  
P - Who?  
  
R - I dunno never heard of him.  
  
::Long pause::  
  
R - What r u doing sat next to Lily?  
  
TWGL, sorry TOAOGL, (the one and only Gilderoy Lockhart) -Nuffin.  
  
R - Lily, why are you sat next Gilderoy Lockhart?  
  
L -We had to be in alphabetical order.  
  
R - Oh, right! That clears it then. There must have been no people with names between E and L.  
  
L - . . .  
  
R - . . .  
  
L - Shut up Remus and get out of my private life.  
  
R - But I didn't say anything. hey, why, how, what are you up to that's private?  
  
L - Leave us alone.  
  
R - Fine, I leave you alone together.  
  
TOAOGL - Come on Lily lets see if you can find the ancient map that will lead to my heart.  
  
R - . . .  
  
P - . . .  
  
R - . . . ?  
  
P - Do you reckon there's something going on there?  
  
:: Meanwhile outside Dumbledore 's office::  
  
J - This is all your fault.  
  
S - My fault? Just coz u ended up with a girl who was too hot to handle and obviously fancied me. She said so.  
  
J - No she didn't you pathetic liar.  
  
S - Just can't handle the truth can you? She said her self she fancied someone in our year.  
  
J - And that immediately means it's you does it?  
  
S - Well, yeah! Who else could it be?  
  
J - I don't care any way, I dumped her.  
  
[A/N: Wait a minuted Lottie! I said she dumped him because she's -]  
  
::Lottie.Com places her hand over Micro Chicks mouth preventing the spillage of the whole story line secret::  
  
BACK to the Story . . . S - Oh right so you won't mind when I tell you she was snogging Snape behind the Quidditch equipment cupboard at lunch then.  
  
J - I'm gonna kill him!  
  
S - Woah easy there, easy!  
  
  
  
J - Shut up Padfoot this is bad enough as it is!  
  
  
  
::James sits down on the floor::  
  
[A/N: If you're wondering where Dumbledoor is, he's . . . um . . . taking a shower . . . yeah that'll do.]  
  
J - This is all your fault.  
  
S - Well technically, Remus brought up the whole Lily debate thing when he said he liked her.  
  
J - Yeah but you were first  
  
S - You never know, I've only fancied her for a year, Remus could've fancied her for-like forever!  
  
J - Sirius, he admitted he didn't b4.  
  
S - That's only coz he's scared of you. You turned into a bloody great stag for gods sake.  
  
J - And you turn into a dog, your point being?  
  
S - It's not my fault!!!!  
  
J - You started fancying her.  
  
S - So did you.  
  
J - . . . Damn . . .  
  
::Sirius grins gleefully::  
  
J - . . .  
  
S - . . .  
  
J - I don't care, its still your fault!! 


	5. Transfiguration

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and all related characters. But this is about the Marauders so there.  
  
A/N: Ok people I'm losing inspiration fast, no one reviewed my latest story. :(  
  
  
  
Reviews!  
  
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[A/N: Like I told you, I'm not a happy bunny.]  
  
Micro Chick: Sorry this is so late but someone, *glares at lottie.com* decided that her other stories were more important.  
  
Lottie.Com: Don't kill me! *cowers behind computer* anyhow me v. chuffed dat more ppl r R & R ing my fics now but I still cud do with a few more fans. Spare me, I'm the funny, pretty blonde one with a boyfriend. (",) Lottie.com  
  
  
  
  
  
Transfiguration  
  
J - Quick McGonagall's looking, act like your working.  
  
R - I am working.  
  
S - Shut up!  
  
P - Remus has to learn about Animagi, we already know.  
  
S - Duh.  
  
J - Sirius stop putting your hand up, she's starting to get suspicious.  
  
S - That's easy for you to say Mr. I know everything.  
  
P - Yeah but he's a prefect he's meant to be a bit smart.  
  
S - What's this? Peter sticking up for James??????  
  
R - Hey James, how'd your confrontation with Snape go?  
  
J - How'd u find out?  
  
R - Practically the whole school knew.  
  
J - Put it this way, he won't be in class for another three months, I used a forgetfulness potion on him and turned his hair and skin Gryffindor stripes of red and gold, then told him that he had to run around school naked shouting "I love yoooou!"  
  
R - OMG  
  
S - U should have seen it.  
  
L - Hi guys  
  
S&R&P - Hi Lily.  
  
L - James aren't you going to say hi?  
  
J - Hi oh great love of my life its absolutely spiffing to see you!  
  
L - You don't have to be sarcastic.  
  
J - I wasn't.  
  
L - . . .  
  
J - . . .  
  
R - Hey Lil, how's -Gildy- doing?  
  
::Lily looks all dreamy and Sirius pretends to be sick::  
  
L - He's doing fine. He's amazing. Wonderful.  
  
S - Gag me with a spoon.  
  
J - Who cares about Lockhart anyway?  
  
S - Lily.  
  
R - Obviously.  
  
::Lockhart walks in and Lily goes off::  
  
J - :( I'm depressed  
  
R - Cheer up James, there's plenty more fish in the sea.  
  
S - Yeah maybe we could find you a nice lovely Mackerel.  
  
J - Thanx guys I feel so much better. I'm not good enough to date person, I'm forced to date a fish  
  
S - What's wrong with a fish?  
  
J - . . .  
  
S - I've dated five goldfish and a trout.  
  
R - Don't talk about McGonagall like that!  
  
S - Hey are u accusing me of being one of those date-ur-teacher-ppl?  
  
R - No, but James could be, it would explain those high grades . . . wot d'ya reckon Minxy McGonalgall or sexy Sprout?  
  
J - GAL  
  
S - Mc GonaGAL it is her. So dish it James. Is she a good snogger or a washing-machine?  
  
J - Number one, GAL means get a life and two, what's a washing machine?  
  
S - . . . ?  
  
R - . . . ?  
  
P - . . . ? Doesn't sound 2 gud tho.  
  
::Sirius is looking thoughtful which is A, unusual and B, scary::  
  
S - Hey, if Lily is in love with Gildy then, then, then, that means that she, DOESN'T LOVE ME!!!!!!!  
  
[A/N: Shock horror!]  
  
R - And? Your point being?  
  
S - oh nothing.  
  
P - Don't worry Paddy, I'm sure sum one out there loves you.  
  
J - I bet the Quidditch team does. I mean how many times have you waxed their trophies.  
  
S - Yeah well, you don't know what I do after that!  
  
::Grin spreads on Sirius' face::  
  
P - No!  
  
J - You wouldn't!  
  
R - He would.  
  
R&J&P - NOT THE GIRLS LOCKER ROOM!!!!!!!?  
  
S - Yep, I tell you, that Becky Starbright.  
  
L - Don't wanna know.  
  
R - We do, and we know what happens in the guys locker room so if you want details you have to listen to guy stuff.  
  
L - What possessed me to get involved with men?  
  
R - ?  
  
J - ??  
  
S - ???  
  
P - It's cos we're so sexy.  
  
R - ????  
  
S - WE? As in you?  
  
P - ::sniff:: What you trying to say?  
  
J - Nothing you haven't heard before.  
  
L - So does Richard Davies really have a six-pack?  
  
J - Dunno, us no perv.  
  
S - Speak for yourself, perving is my hobby specially when girls are involved.  
  
::Lily sighs and considers being a lesbian::  
  
L - Going to talk to girly mates.  
  
J - What girly mates, I thought we were the only friends you had.  
  
L - Proves how much you know.  
  
S - Go on then, name some.  
  
::Lily thinks::  
  
L - Jade.  
  
S - Who tipped vanishing cream all over you last Wednesday.  
  
L - Ok. Becky.  
  
S - Who hasn't spoken to you since you stole her boyfriend back in 1952.  
  
L - Cassandra, Claire.  
  
S - People you've never even spoken too.  
  
L - OKAY I HAVE NO OTHER MATES, HAPPY???  
  
::Lily storms off::  
  
S - . . . was it something I said?  
  
R - Nah, must be the time of the month you'no  
  
S - Ah  
  
J - Deffinately.  
  
P - What the hell are you guys on about?  
  
::Sirius pats Peter on the back::  
  
S - You'll find out when you're older son.  
  
J - Ok put it this way, RED week.  
  
P - Huh? I was sure we were on Blue week  
  
::J&P&S groan and walk off::  
  
P - I don't get it. 


	6. Flying, or how to kill someone in 3 easy...

Micro-Chick: Here's the latest installment of my  
  
  
  
Lottie.Com: Our  
  
Micro-Chick: Story! Today class we are going to do a written flying lesson, remember to read the authors notes at the end  
  
Lottie.Com: Joy.  
  
Micro-Chick: If you don't like it take a hike. *Glares threateningly at Lottie.Com* Miss last-time-my-other-stories-were-more-important-than-this- one-and-spare-me-I'm-the-fun-pretty-blonde-with-a-boyfriend-who's-out-every- night-and-can-play-every-instrument-ever-made  
  
  
  
Lottie.Com: Shut up just cos ur the dumb one. . . . . . . . Reviews!"  
  
  
  
Not Sure: I know, I am so funny  
  
DClick: Thankyou. All of you . . .  
  
Sierra White: Lottie's weird, you're not the only one -Lottie.com "Oi"  
  
Wolf: I rock too!  
  
Hikaki: Where would the fun be if they always got along?  
  
The Dragon Guardi-Sack it-Meredith: Sirius coz he's so smart, already conquered that obstacle, after the conversation's finished the writing goes. Ok if I say James thought of it, would that make it more believable?  
  
Sheep666: Yep  
  
Nemesis Muse: Any time!  
  
Malthyne: Baka, hmm, Japanese, You read anime?  
  
Psycho101: Short but sweet, longer reviews appreciated lol thanx!  
  
Reania: I know  
  
BananaFairy: You've only just figured that out?  
  
Elizabeth Lupin: Yep Jade was focused entirely on you . . ^_^  
  
Kaelli Karali: Now I like you! Hey ppl she reviewed every chapter!!!!!! Lottie.com- No offence kaelli but ur a bit kinda weird, you put really weird reviews on my stories, look if you gonna put a review put something that's interesting and tactful.  
  
Micro-Chick: I did you all coz ure so great and got me 50 reviews! And the people who got me up to 64 get mentioned next chap.  
  
  
  
  
  
A Written Flying Lesson (urgh) Or, how to kill someone in three easy steps  
  
S - Sirius reporting for note-writing duty  
  
J - Prongs present  
  
R - Moony all here  
  
P - Yes sir-I mean Peter ready  
  
. . .  
  
R - Where's Lily?  
  
S - On one of her raging, psychopathic PMS rants (TM)  
  
J - Groovy!  
  
S - Groovy?  
  
J - Yeah! That means we can moan and curse Mr. Look-at-me-I'm-so-pretty!-oh- so-pretty-and-I-should-be-voted-Hogwart's-most-gorgeous-student-alive-or- dead-past-present-or-future off  
  
S - ROFL  
  
R - I know! lets kill him!  
  
J - Remus this is a totally different you!  
  
R - Hell, he took Lily away from me!  
  
S - I thought you didn't really like her?  
  
R - . . . I don't?  
  
S - Oh great, Moony, that's really convinced us. Anyway, she's mine.  
  
J - Didn't we go through this b4?  
  
P -Yeah, she's clearly Gilderoy Lockharts.  
  
S - . . .  
  
J - . . .  
  
R - . . .  
  
P - Somehow I think that was not the right thing to say.  
  
::Sirius, Remus and James fall over in a dead faint::  
  
P - So who wants to kill Mr. Look-at-me-I'm-so-pretty!-oh-so-pretty-and-I- should-be-voted-Hogwart's-most-gorgeous-student-alive-or-dead-past-present- or-future Gilderoy Lockhart.  
  
S - You know I think we should just call him Dickhead  
  
J - Lily snatcher  
  
R - Dead  
  
S - Sounds good to me!  
  
::Sirius jumps up in the air, succeeding in being moved to the front of the class::  
  
J - Freak.  
  
R - I thought you'd made up.  
  
J - We did  
  
R - So why you calling him?  
  
J - Duh, its obv.  
  
R - Go on.  
  
J - . . .  
  
R - ^_^  
  
J - Um . . .  
  
::The Quidditch captain Rose [A/N: Remember her?] comes into class and takes James out::  
  
R - Oh well . . .  
  
P - Looks like it's just you and me!  
  
R - Oh Joy . . .  
  
P - So what you wanna do?  
  
::Remus puts up his hand and asks to go to the loo, Peter copies him and runs out, as not to look like a "billy" [A/N: he don't even have to try] Remus runs back in, after apparently "losing" Peter::  
  
R - Sooo.  
  
. . .  
  
R - Really?  
  
. . .  
  
R - He didn't  
  
. . .  
  
R - He did?  
  
L - Remus why are you having a conversation with yourself?  
  
::Remus jumps a foot into the air::  
  
R - Why are you going out with Gilderoy Lockhart?  
  
L - To annoy James-I m-mean because err. . L-Lockharts fit.  
  
R - Lily you're stuttering, that means you're lying.  
  
L - . . .  
  
R - Why not just give this charade up? James is obviously missing you.  
  
L - Well thank you Professor Know-it-all. I'll just go crawling back to James on my hands and knee's begging for forgiveness!  
  
R - Touchy, so don't you want to go back out with James?  
  
L - No, I mean yes, I m-mean oh, I don't know!"  
  
J - Hey guys I'm back.  
  
::James reads what he's missed.  
  
J - . . . Remus, you were talking to yourself?  
  
::Lily and Remus fall rather un-dignified to the floor::  
  
:: Everything goes quiet for a bit while no-one notices Peter is gone, then Lily asks to use the bathroom the teacher asks what's got into them all today but lets her go::  
  
J - Wonder what Lily's up to.  
  
R - Oh the mysteries of girls and toilets.  
  
S- Boo!  
  
R - ???  
  
S - I said boo.  
  
R - Erm, hi James what were you saying?  
  
S - Why didn't anyone tell me it was lets-pretend-sirius-isn't-here-day.  
  
R - Well, technically you're not here.  
  
S - Shut up.  
  
:: Long pause::  
  
S - Anyhows I've been thinking.  
  
J - Gasp!!!  
  
R - OMG are you ill?  
  
S - FOAD! With friends like you who needs enemies.  
  
R - Meaning you're going to go off and be friends with Snape?  
  
S - Meaning nothing. Let me talk, I mean write.  
  
J - Sigh.  
  
S - You know Christmas.  
  
J - No, explain.  
  
S - Well, can you imagine all the things that could go wrong.  
  
R - No, not really.  
  
J - Werewolves don't have imaginations.  
  
S - Their intellectual copat. . . brain, doesn't stretch that far.  
  
R - Great, one minute it's lets-ignore-sirius-day, now it's lets-pick-on- the-werewolf-and-pretend-he-isn't-there-and-that-he-doesn't-have-feelings- and lets-forget-he's-the-smart-one day, why does James get off eh?  
  
J - I'm still trying to figure out what you said.  
  
R - Meaning, why does no-one pick on you?  
  
J - Do I really need to answer that?  
  
:: Peter returns and sits down. He whispers something to Remus and he leaves the room::  
  
J - Where's he gone?  
  
P - Herbology teacher wanted him.  
  
J - Oh.  
  
:: Lily arrives back again, and sits down silently nothing happens for a while until the teacher, ( who will remain nameless) sends Sirius out for passing notes::  
  
P - How come he always get caught?  
  
J - Hel-lo! This is S-I-R-U-S B-L-A-C-K we're talking about.  
  
P - . . . right.  
  
L - So, James how are you, still gagging to snog me?  
  
:: James sniffs::  
  
J - Keep dreaming I've moved on. Rose is my flower now.  
  
L - Ha ha , a comedian.  
  
:: Suddenly Remus and Sirius run in paler than usual::  
  
R&S - GILDEROY LOCKHART IS DEAD!!!  
  
  
  
Dun Dun Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!  
  
Micro-Chick: And so ends the first part of our whodunnit.  
  
Lottie.com : Everyone has left the room at some point, does everyone have a motive?  
  
Micro-Chick: Yes, so now you can start guessing but you won't find out for TWO chapters, ok now about our cool new competition.  
  
Lottie.com: We're sick of writing this now so we're giving you a turn, readers.  
  
Micro-Chick: I'M not sick of it, so anyway you write the beginning of the next chapter, not too long though, and the winner will have their beginning used next chapter. All entries in by, er. . .  
  
Lottie.Com: 7th Jan?  
  
Micro-Chick: Ok, so get writing! E-mail us at SimpsonFreakJ@aol.com or Micro_Chick_uk@Hotmail.com 


	7. New authors note! Flying Solo!

_Micro-Chick_

_I WAS RIGHT!!!!!_

_Ahem, Lottie has decided that she's getting sick of this story, (I know, I know….) so I'm going solo! Go me! But its going to be too hard, so if anyone wants to help me feel free to say so in your review and __Ill__ get back to you. *^_^*_

_Ok, so on we go!!!!_


	8. Potions, or only 2 steps left!

Micro-Chick: Ok everyone, If you check my stories you'll find one titled Marauders Reviews which answers EVERYONE'S reviews even from chapter one, to save me space. Hey Lottie, did you know that there's even replies to *your* reviews? And kudos to NotSure who nearly guessed the end in chapter three.  
  
Lottie.com: ::blank screen flashes up:: [Read authors note]  
  
Disclaimer: Me no own, you no sue, J.K verrrrrrry rich (Mr. look-at-me-I'm-so-pretty-oh-so-blah blah blah is copyright of Meredith.)  
Potions or only two steps left!  
  
J - Remind me again why we're attempting to write notes in potions?  
  
S - I want 2 get 2 dat detention 1350  
  
J - =P bin there dun that  
  
S - Get stuffed, anyway, !I! found Gilderoy Lockhart dead!!!!  
  
J - That's yesterdays news  
  
S - Oh, who killed him?  
  
P - Hi guys.  
  
J - Yo Pete  
  
P - Rose wants you, Quidditch, you've got a match today.  
  
J - So I have. Oh the joys of being a Seeker, empty stomachs.  
  
S - You know what?  
  
J - No, what?  
  
S - They're two kinds of Seekers, the quick, and the dead.  
  
J - Which am I?  
  
S - Both.  
  
J - Figures  
  
S - Where's Remus?  
  
J - Dunno, it's that time of the month.  
  
S - . . .  
  
J - U know what I ment  
  
::Sirius grins some what mischievously and James whacks him over the head with a potion bottle earning Sirius that much-wanted detention 1350::  
  
S - James  
  
J - What?  
  
S - I love you!  
  
J - eh-heh-heh don't let Rose hear you say that  
  
::James is called up to the front to test a potion, Snape glares, Sirius laughs, Lucius growls, Sirius swears, nothing new::  
  
P - Do u reckon he knows she's only usin him 2 go out wif Richard Davies?  
  
S - Nope  
  
S2 (Ok so Remus is in the shrieking shack give me some credit for improvising!) - Hasn't a clue  
  
P - Should we tell him?  
  
::All three boys, well Pete, Sirius and his multiple personalities go quiet and look around innocently::  
  
S&S2&P - Nah!  
  
S2 - Poof, there he goes!  
  
S - huh?  
  
S2 - James. He's that rat crawling up Peter's leg.  
  
P - R-R-RAT???!!!  
  
::Peter screams and jumps up while flapping his arms about to get rid of a "rat"::  
  
S - 3 detentions, not bad.  
  
S2 - We work so well as a team.  
  
S3 - I don't know. . .  
  
::Sirius glares at his 3rd personality::  
  
::Peter calms down enough to relax in his seat::  
  
J - Did u guys know GL isn't really dead?  
  
::Sirius and his multiple personalities slam the table with their fists::  
  
S - Damn!  
  
P - He is 2 dead!  
  
J - And how would u know?  
  
::Pete realises his mistake and asks the teacher to swop places with Lily::  
  
L - Hi James  
  
S - ahem.  
  
L - And Sirius.  
  
S2 - ahem?  
  
L - . . . I'm not even gonna ask  
  
S - I'm goin 2 talk to Bertha Jorkins  
  
S2 - Me 2  
  
S3 - Won't you/we get caught?  
  
S - Duh, that's the whole point.  
  
::Sirius walks of and gets another detention for moving about in class::  
  
L - If u don't watch he'll catch up 2 u soon  
  
J - Impossible, and anyway since when did you care for my detentions record? Shouldn't you be pining over GL? Even though he's not dead?  
  
L - He's. Not. Dead???????????  
  
J - Nope, in a coma, they found a note though.  
  
L - Oh do go on.  
  
J - Incertus Etiam Roseus Aculeus, don't ask me what it means its probably made up, well it certainly sounds stupi--  
  
L - Its Latin James.  
  
J - I knew that.  
  
S - Ladies and Gentledude hold your applause, yes, it is I!!! The one and only. . .SIRIUS BLAAAAAACK!!!!!!!  
  
J - that's a lot of exclamation marks.  
  
S - Your point being?  
  
J - Your potions bubbling over the side of the cauldron.  
  
S - Oh no it isn't!  
  
L - Oh yes it is!  
  
J - ::groans:: it only took us 6 chapters to get to an "oh no it isn't gag"  
  
S - Don't you mean GET to a gag?  
  
::Peter is moved next to James as Sirius is splashed by his potion and Lily takes him to the hospital wing, Remus is in the shrieking shack::  
  
P - So what's Rose like? A good snog?  
  
J - More or less  
  
P - James, there's something I've got to tell you. . .Its. . .about Gilderoy Lockhart. . .well. . .  
  
R - (Rose Wood [I know. . .I know. . .]) Hey James'e babe :-*  
  
P - But.but.  
  
R - Peter dear, close your mouth, you look like a fish out of water.  
  
J - What were u saying Pete?  
  
P - Nothing.  
  
::James shrugs and Rose continues up to the desk where she asks if James can be taken out for "Quidditch talks" wink wink, nudge nudge, The teacher declines and Rose leaves::  
  
J - What were you saying Pete? You can tell me!  
  
P - Well, you know Gilderoy Lockhart.  
  
J - yessss  
  
P - And that he was mudered?  
  
J - Noooo  
  
P - ? He's not dead?  
  
J - Yessss  
  
P - Well, anyway, about him, well I sa-  
  
::Lily and Sirius walk back in and sit at the table::  
  
::Lily grins::  
  
L - I know what that note means!!!!  
  
S - TELL US!!!!  
  
L - Not unless James gives me a kiss.  
  
J - ew! She might have cooties!  
  
::Mass sweatdropping::  
  
P - ahem, James, u had no problem kissing her before!  
  
J - Yeah, but.she's a girl!  
  
::Sirius backs away slowly::  
  
S - Please tell me you did not mean that!  
  
::James thwaps Sirius over the head earning himself detention number 1400::  
  
J - Still got it  
  
L - Weirdo's.anyway, this note Incertus Etiam Roseus Aculeus, well it means, Not Only Roses Sting. Which means it was-  
  
J - Sirius!  
  
S - Remus!  
  
S2 - Lily!  
  
S3 - Rose!  
  
L - Peter!  
  
P - James! 


	9. Defence Against the Dark Arts, or THEY D...

Micro-Chick: *comes on dancing with her groove. Stops and looks at readers* BOOM BABY! I'm baaaack! *man in background "the groove. beware the groove."* Hehe. If you've ever seen Emporers New Groove you'll understand all that.  
  
Heh. the chaps not as good as normal but on a higher note updates are going to be about once a week now!  
  
Chapter Eight - Defence Against the Dark Arts, or THEY DID WHAT?  
  
R - Hi Sirius  
  
S - Stay away from me murderer!  
  
R - Huh?  
  
S - I know what you did last Wednesday. . . [A/N:. . . . . . . ]  
  
R - That's nice Sirius, I'm just going over there, with the sane people.  
  
J - Hi Remus  
  
R - Hey, what's Sirius high on this time?  
  
J - Murder. He killed Gilderoy Lockhart.  
  
R - HE. DID. WHAT?  
  
J - Well, I think he did. . .  
  
::Remus rolls eyes and looks at note James is reading, before his eyes open in shock then finally understanding (The note is the translated one, "Not only Roses Sting")::  
  
J - Do YOU know what it means?  
  
R - It can't be, but it is. . .its just too. . .ingenious. . .  
  
J - Tell me!!!!!!  
  
R - I need to . . . oh wow . . .  
  
::Remus runs to the teacher, tells him something and is let out of class::  
  
S - What's up with him?  
  
J - I have no idea.  
  
::The two realise that they accused each other and move away slowly::  
  
S2 - ::starts singing off key:: I will survive! S - Ever since Lily brought that record, he started sing that song.  
  
J - He's better than you when you try to sing in the shower.  
  
S - WHAT!  
  
P - Hey, what's Sirius yelling for?  
  
J - That his second personality sings better than him.  
  
S - I'll kill you in your sleep you diva wannabe!!!!  
  
S2 - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Don't hurt me!  
  
P - But it's true, isn't it? Sirius sounds like an off-key cat being strangled.  
  
J - The other one sounds like a cat being strangled, but it's in pitch.  
  
S2 - Tank you. It's raining men! Halleluiah it's rainin men....  
  
::S3 slaps him::   
  
S- Thank you so much. With friends like you who needs enemies!  
  
:: Rose comes in and asks to talk to James. James leaves the classroom.::  
  
J - Bye!  
  
S - Uhh! Mushy stuff!  
  
P - What?  
  
S3 - We'll tell you when you're older.  
  
L - Where did James go?  
  
S - Are darling Jamesiekins as set out to become a man.  
  
L - Translation Peter?  
  
P - Rose took him.  
  
R - I'm back and guess what I've found. Hey where's James?  
  
L - Rose kidnapped him. So what did you find?  
  
S2 - I want some hot love baby this evening, give me some  
  
::Sirus smacks his 2nd personality with a textbook:: S - Please continue.  
  
R - Well the note sounded a bit iffy. so I thought about it "Not only Roses sting," well think about it. Roses are flowers ok? So it must mean another flower that can't sting.  
  
::Sirius and his multiple personalities all give blank looks::  
  
R - Do YOU understand Lily?  
  
::Lily looks occupied::  
  
R - Never mind, girls are called flowers right? So what other girls in our year are called after flowers?  
  
S - Violet  
  
S2 - Rose  
  
::Sirius smacks his 2nd personality::  
  
S3 - Violet  
  
R - But they didn't do it, did they, Lily?  
  
::Lily stares at her hands sadly::  
  
L - No  
  
P - Lily, I think it's time you told them.  
  
L - ::sighs:: Ok. Did any of you find it strange when I suddenly started fancying Gilderoy for no reason?  
  
S2 - Not really, he IS fit.  
  
S - I'll pretend I didn't hear that.  
  
L - Well, he used a love potion on me so I'd leave James.  
  
S - Like you do.  
  
L - ::glares:: I didn't know and when I found out it was too late, James was with Rose and I was alone, so naturally I was p*ss*d so I put Lockhart in a coma. I thought about leaving a note as well to show my anger at Rose.  
  
R - That explains it all I guess.  
  
P - Not all, I found out, I saw it happen. I was shocked at Lily she was going to lose her badge as Head girl for this but she didn't care we fought and that's why she's been cold to me for a while.  
  
D - Miss. Evans I'd like to see you in my office please.  
  
S - Who the hells D? We're getting to many letters.  
  
R - Shut up.  
  
S - No I swear, I'm going to bang out whoever this 'D' is!  
  
R - Sirius you prick! It's Dumbledore!  
  
S - Ohh..  
  
D - Miss. Evans?  
  
L - Yes sir.  
  
::Lily leaves the notes. uh. room::  
  
D - Mr. Black please tell Mr. Potter what has happened.  
  
S - Why me???  
  
S2 - I will survive, Oh! As long as I know how to live I know I'll stay-  
  
::SMACK:: 


	10. Divination: Reloaded

Disclaimer: I own nothing.  'Cept this doody little switch.  Light goes on, light goes off, light goes on, light goes off, light goes on, light goes off, Light goes on, light goes off, light goes on, light goes off, light goes on, light goes off…

Chapter 10 (woohoo!) – Divination take 2

S – Lily killed Lockhart

J – Yes Sirius, I think we've already got through that…

R – Let me get this straight, we're telling our future by reading patterns in the icing on cake?

P - Yup

R - . . .

::Silence::

S – Lily killed Lockhart

P – Oh! Oh! I think I see something!

S2 – Oh! Oh! Is it icing?

P – No. . . 

J – Cake?

P – No. . .

S – Well what _are_ you reading then? The plate?

J – I see. . .  a big woman who looks like an overgrown stick insect. . .

::Sirius and James snigger::

R – I see. . . James' death!

J – Ack! No! You must be reading them wrong! You can't be seeing _my death!_

::Trewlaney comes over, predicts James' death and goes away::

::Sirius stares at Remus as if he's grown a new head::

S – Remus can tell the future!

R – I canno--

S2 – ooh! Tell mine!

J – That's too easy; You have no future.  You're a multiple personality. . . Sirius made you up.

::Sirius' 2nd personality starts crying::

S2 – You are so mean sometimes. . . *sob*

S3 – There, there, there, there

J – Sirius, your multiple personalities are weird…

S – Ssh you multiple personality-hater! Haven't you done enough damage?!

S4 – You are so insensitive.

P – Who are you?

S4 - ::proudly:: Sirius' 4th personality.  I'm the somewhat sane one.

R – Oh dear god! They're multiplying!

J – Sirius? Having a sane personality. . . right.

S – Hey! At least I have someone to talk to when you lot ignore me.

J – Yes.  And talking to yourself's perfectly normal.

S – When you talk to yourself, you're talking to someone who really loves you.

P – Strangely enough. . . that's never happened to me. . .

S2 – Oh!! That icing pattern looks like a circle.

S3 – I'd say it's more of a rock. . .

S – Oh dear merlin! We're going to be crushed by a giant boulder!!

::Sirius clings to his multiple personalities::

S4 – Oh, honestly. . .

S – Shut up you. . . you. . . Multiple personality!

S4 – That's an insult! I'm my own person. . .ality.  ::nods::

J – Someone kill me now. . .

R – Actually, I think it's quite amusing to watch Sirius argue with himself.

P – Says the werewolf. . .

::James stares shocked at Peter::

S – YELLOW!

S2 – GREEN!

S3 – BLUE!

S4 – I hate my life. . .

J – Would the real Sirius please stand up? Please stand up? Would the real Sirius please stand up?    . . . .I think we're going to have a problem here.

S2 – I'm the real one.

S3 – No you're not! I'm the real one!

S – I think it's painstakingly obvious he is.

::The Sirius' look pointedly at James::

J – Hey! No! Wait! I don't want to be dragged into this!

S4 – Tough.

::James is dragged into the Sirius Personality War::

J – Help meeee. . . . 

S – So anyway, Peter. . .

P – Said the Grim.

R – I see nothing in my icing.

P – Huh?

R – No, seriously, nothing! Someone's eaten it!

::Peter looks innocent::

P – dudududdudu. . . 

::Remus glares at Peter::

::Peter points at Sirius::

P – He did it!

J - ::choking:: Gasp. . . choke. . . Little help here?

S – Take it like a man, boy.

R – You do realise you just contradicted yourself in that one sentence?

S – Oh go away Moony.

P – Said the Grim.

S – Would you stop it with this "Grim" business?!

R – But Padfoot, you _are_ the Grim.  Or does Trewlaney see _another _dog at Hogwarts every now and again?

S – Well. . . I dunno. . . That Rose girl is pretty close to a dog. . .

J – That "Rose girl" is also my girlfriend

S – So?

J - . . . So get back to arguing with yourself.

S – If I go down I'm taking you with me!!!!

J – You'll never take me alive!!!

::Sirius and James begin a war with their wands as swords::

R – Did that just happen?

P – Did what just happen?

R – James and Sirius going to war over nothing. . .

P – Yup.

S2 – It's not nothing! They're going to war over our rights as Sirius' multiple personalities!

R – You have rights as a Multiple Personality?

S3 – Darn right we have rights.

S2 – The right to remain sexy!

S4 – The right to be annoying more like. . .

S3 – What was that, oh dearest #4?

::S2, S3 and S4 start bickering::

J2 – Duduhduhduhd duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun! James 2 to the rescue!

S - . . . Can anyone say "Copy right" ?

P – I can!! Copy-ri—oh. . .it was one of them non-answer questions. . .

R – Rhetorical.

P – Said the werewolf. . .

::James and Sirius's wands set alight the classroom, the class runs out::

J – Did you forsee this professor?

("Of course I did")

S – Then why didn't you cancel the lesson ahead of time?

("You cannot mess with fate, Mr. Black.  The classroom was fated to be burnt.")

J – My inner eye says. . . "Trewlaney's fate will be to see the Grim tonight."

S – Ah well, can't mess with fate.


End file.
